Weird and hilarious health products

Kegel briefs

If you’ve always wanted to strengthen your pelvic floor -but you’re just too busy, fear not. The solution to your weak pelvic muscles has arrived in the form of lingerie. All you need to do is slip on some pantyOs, and you’ll be one step closer to mastering Kegels-at least according to the company’s website. “Put on your pantyO and Kegel anytime or anywhere…while shopping, driving, working, watching TV, and with your other exercise routines.”

There’s only one small caveat: If you read the fine print, you find out that pantyO is indeed only an accessory, making no medical claims. Shocker!

Placenta Pills

While it may sound gross to eat the organ that provides your fetus with nutrients, it’s actually quite common-at least in mammals, and increasingly in humans. The only difference? Humans are having their placentas dehydrated and ground into powder to make pills. Toronto doula Rean Cross told Healthzone that she provides that very service to new mothers to help boost energy levels, fight mood swings and enhance milk production. “You have to get past the ick factor,” she says.

Is it possible to get over the “ick factor” of cooking one of your organs and eating it?

The Tongue Patch

If only eating were painful, everyone could be thin! At least that’s the idea behind the tongue patch, which, according to the doctor that invented it, is “a revolutionary weight reduction procedure.” All you have to do is get a patch SEWN TO YOUR TONGUE.  Which is obviously a great idea because it makes chewing solid food difficult and painful, limiting you to a liquid diet. Revolutionary.

Shake Weight

It’s almost (read: it is) like the creators of the Shake Weight intentionally made their creation phallic. If they didn’t, they seem to be embracing it now. They’ve even made a new workout video to the music of T.I’s Get Loose (The lyrics of which can’t be printed here) which basically makes it look like an adult film.

Horse Riding fitness ace power

If you don’t like fresh air and the countryside, but you do like horseback riding, you’re the ideal customer for the creators of this new fitness product. The video describes it as perfect for “those who like to ride the horse in front of TV and in home comfort of their own space.” Strangely, this product video looks even more like an adult film than the shake weight video does.

The wonder clock

Feel like your biological clock is ticking, but not sure exactly when it will go off? Fear not, because now you can download it. A new app promises to calculate exactly when you’ll be unable to bear your own children, based on your date of birth. 

“The Wonder Clock counts down a woman’s biological clock in real time. Not meant to be a medical diagnosis, it is an interactive, conceptual piece that seeks to start a necessary and empowering conversation about childbearing,” the description on iTunes says. “The Wonder Clock confronts the question ‘how much time do I have left?’ head on, giving women everywhere an open door to discuss this taboo topic.”

That may be true, but it’s still $1.99 on iTunes. For something that’s not meant to be accurate, it’s a little overpriced, no?

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