Are You Attracting The Wrong Type? Stop Making These Dating App Mistakes
Updated: Oct. 18, 2017
Stop making mistakes with your dating profile and fix it with complete our dating app guide.
What’s your first dating app mistake?
If you’re tackling your dating app profile the same way you would your resume, then your approach just might be all wrong.
Sure, you want to show off the best version of you, but finding a potential life partner (or even a quick fling) requires a different take. And quitting a relationship (no matter how short) isn’t as easy as giving two-weeks notice. As Facebook puts it: “It’s complicated.”
So, to steer you into a relationship that is fitting you, your personality and what you want and need in a mate (and not just a salary or vacation goals), we connected with dating coach Carmelia Ray, who is also a celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert. She clears up your mistakes and offers tips on creating a dating profile that’s effective on Tindr, Bumble et al., not just attractive.
Your profile photo is perfection
Close the Facetune app and pick a photo you like.
The relationship expert says: “Consider your profile photo as your single opportunity to make your best impression,” says Ray. “Your photo should be a true reflection of who you are, without being misleading.”
Ray’s dating profile tips:
• Your photo should be recent – within the past three to six months
• Make it a headshot or at least your upper body.
• Skip the blurry photos, multi filters, sunglasses, or anything that covers your face.
Only right-swiping a certain type
You know what they say about shopping for wedding dresses? Be open minded and be prepared to try on something different, something unexpected.
The relationship expert says: “There is a constant battle between knowing exactly who your partner is, being uber specific and being flexible when it comes to seeking your ‘ideal’ partner,” says Ray. “Over the years, working with thousands of singles, [I’ve seen that] often who they end up with, doesn’t necessarily line up with who they thought they wanted and needed in a partner.” So, don’t write off someone because they don’t fit who you might picture yourself with. Enjoy the process. (Here are five things to do before your next relationship.)
Ray’s dating profile tips:
• Don’t compromise shared values, life and family goals.
• Don’t lower your standards, but don’t get too hung up on specific, like hair, height, background, job, education and music taste.
You’re just too darn honest
You know exactly who you are and you’re not afraid to show it. But that might be a bit scary for someone who doesn’t know you enough yet to accept your flaws.
The relationship expert says: “We hardly introduce ourselves to new people with a laundry list of our weaknesses, insecurities and hang ups,” says Ray. “Although it’s important to be authentic and not mislead anyone, there is a time and place to have deeper and more intimate conversations about flaws.
Ray’s dating profile tips:
• Keep very personal facts, like medical issues, a criminal record or a colourful past (ahem, sexual conquests) off your profile.
• Disclose these things about yourself when you’re friendlier with your date, before it becomes serious.
You leave the hobbies section blank
Just like you want someone who can enrich your life, your potential date (and potential partner) wants the same. So, make sure you don’t read as boring.
The relationship expert says: Take it upon yourself to try new activity so you actually have something to talk about other than work, says Ray. Here is how to find something new to get you out of your comfort zone.
Ray’s dating profile tips:
• No hobbies, no problem. List things you’re interested in trying, which can be great date ideas, too.
• Try something new! Join a social group, take up a sport, take a class. Do anything that gets you out of your house and involved in something different.
You uncork a bottle of wine before you start writing your profile
Getting a little tipsy (or even drunk) might work for you, or it might not the type of mood you need to do fill out your dating profile.
The relationship expert says: “For some people, alcohol has a negative impact and one can lose concentration,” says Ray. You don’t want a sloppy page, riddled with incoherent sentences, spelling errors, or anything else that puts you in the wrong light.
Ray’s dating profile tips:
• A good day is the best day to do it.
• Work out, meditate, exercise, do whatever puts you in a in a good, confident mood.
• Complete your profile when you won’t be distracted by anyone or anything.
• Ask a friend or two to read it.
You didn’t read your profile before you hit submit
Speaking of spelling mistakes, make sure you read your own profile before you send it out in the dating world.
The relationship expert says: “Grammar is so important when it comes to online dating and in any scenario,” says Ray. “It’s all about the first impression you make with your profile and often, bad grammar is a major turn off. Poor grammar creates so many negative attachments and people tend to make assumptions about a person, such as they’re lazy, they’re uneducated, they are not a quality person.”
Ray’s dating profile tips:
• Ask a friend or two to read it.
• Do spell check.
• Read it out loud to yourself.
You, such a girl next door, are a cliché
Don’t hide behind sayings in your profile. All they do is hide who you really are.
The relationship expert says: “Clichés should be avoided as much as possible,” says Ray. “It’s often indicative of lack of creativity and originality. The use of clichés can confuse some people. Be original and express yourself clearly with your own, original thoughts.” Grab a thesaurus and make yourself sound interesting.
Ray’s dating profile tips:
Avoid these clichés. They’re not always fitting and they’re often overused.
• “Cat got your tongue?”
• “Don’t cry over spilt milk” –
• “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”
• “When it rains, it pours.” Maybe in your world.”
• “A chip off the old block.”
• Beat a dead horse.”
You just really, really, really, really want to find someone already
Lonely? You’re not the only one – that’s why everyone is on dating apps. We are there to find someone. So, you don’t have to list why recent relationships failed and how you are feeling about the current state of dating.
The relationship expert says: “The purpose of your profile is to attract your ideal partner by sharing your positive attributes as well as giving as clear of a description of the kind of person you’re looking to meet,” says Ray.
Ray’s dating profile tips:
• Don’t complain.
• Don’t focus on negative dating experiences.
• Sarcasm and jokes don’t always translate in profiles.
You are such a catch and it makes no sense that you’re not in a relationship
Sure, you need to be confident, but nobody likes a some who brags.
The relationship expert: “Bragging about oneself is almost always a major turn-off,” says Ray. “There is a fine line between sharing things you are truly proud of and bragging about material things.” You don’t want them to think you are “too good to be true.” (Another cliché to avoid.)
Ray’s dating profile tips:
• Your car, your house, your income and financial assets don’t matter.
• Limit your list of accomplishments to one major life event instead of 10 sentences describing how great you are.
• Don’t start every sentence with “I did this…” and “I did that…”
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