Cancer was a big part of my life long before it played an instrumental role in shaping my identity.

My father died in 2012 after a long journey with prostate cancer. Five days before his passing, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I hesitated to tell him about my mom’s diagnosis, but he knew something was up from the way I was so on edge those last few days. When I finally told him, he apologized to me for having to go through this ordeal again with another parent. I was so humbled and in awe of his empathy in that moment. His advice for my mom was, “Don’t be ashamed. It’s not your fault. Be open.” Today, 10 years after his death, these words echo within me, almost as if he had unknowingly intended them for me. I am a breast cancer survivor, and I am not ashamed—of my cancer, and of the turbulent yet transformative journey it has brought.

When I heard the words “you have breast cancer” in the summer of 2017, it came as a complete shock. I felt as though my life, and everything I had planned, had come to a sudden halt. As an occupational therapist, I was very familiar with disease in my patients, and as a daughter of two parents with cancer, I thought I had both the knowledge and the capacity to take control of my own cancer journey. My instinct was to go into “warrior mode:” I was careful not to let fear take the reins. On our drive home from the hospital, I told my husband that I wanted to be the one to tell our kids. I was wary of the energy and fears that other people may reflect back to me, so it was important for me to be cognizant of how my diagnosis was presented to my family and friends. As a positive person by nature, something I inherited from my dad, I wanted to make sure I navigated through this difficult time with as much hope and optimism as possible.

After 10 months of treatment involving chemotherapy, surgery and radiation, I was finally told that there was “no evidence of disease.” I was cancer-free! I went back to work shortly after. That’s when my personal struggles really hit. With time, I learned that putting on a brave face was not enough, and sometimes even worked to my detriment.

After my last round of treatments, I thought I would return to a normal, perhaps more empowered life, having “beat cancer,” so they say. But I could not have felt less empowered. I faced myriad emotions that I did not expect like anger, self-pity and persistent sadness. At times, these feelings surpassed what I thought I “should” feel as a cancer survivor, like gratitude. I felt ill-equipped to process these conflicting emotions on my own.

I tried psychotherapy, but still felt completely disconnected from myself. As much as I tried to narrate and take control of my cancer journey, I had lost parts of myself. This is when I turned to a life coach, who began poking at the right spots and asking the right questions. I still remember how clearly and quickly I was able to answer one question she posed, a question that many spend their entire lives trying to answer: “What do you want to do with your life?” I had no doubt in my mind that I wanted to help other women through their cancer. There were many times along my own journey when I felt utterly isolated, even though I had a strong support system and was surrounded by well-wishers. I wanted to help other women feel heard and understood by someone who had been there so that they wouldn’t feel so lost in the thick of it all, the way I did.

This is when I was first introduced to the term “cancer coach.” With some research, I came across The Cancer Journey Institute, which is dedicated to the emotional and mental healing of cancer patients and survivors. After completing a 10-month course, a written exam and an oral exam, I became a certified cancer journey coach.

Throughout my training, I felt the impact of what I was learning. In the process of fine-tuning the ways I could provide mental and emotional support for others, I reactivated unprocessed thoughts and emotions that I had not realized were still with me as remnants of my cancer. I began to recall my lowest moments, like the excruciating pain that debilitated me after my fifth round of chemotherapy. For a reason I had yet to understand, I refrained from telling my doctor about the extent of my pain. It was my husband who requested that my doctor reduce my chemotherapy dose after witnessing how difficult it became for me to cope. “Why are you being such a martyr?” my doctor had said to me. I merely had to express how I felt and ask for a solution: pain medication.

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Through cancer journey coaching, I realized I had been feeling as though I was “meant to suffer” or that my suffering had a higher purpose. It dawned on me that limiting beliefs like these had been guiding much of my thoughts and decisions in life until then. This awareness sparked a fire within me. I began to gain clarity on who I was, what was truly important to me and how I wanted to live. I became more intentional. My life was infused with more gratitude. And I held a deep desire to help other women experience the beauty of this unfolding. I knew in my gut that this was my calling.

Since then, I have had the privilege of working with women of all ages through various stages of their cancer, including those at the initial stages of a new diagnosis, those experiencing the vulnerability of living as a survivor and those acknowledging the reality of their mortality. I expanded my work beyond cancer and began addressing the other shades of life’s complexities. Many of my clients, despite their diverse experiences, share similar sentiments, such as low self-esteem or the pressure to meet perceived obligations, especially as women and the many hats we wear with our families and careers. Through coaching sessions and identifying skills and strengths, I help my clients define their core values and learn the strengths they already possess that they can lean on through challenging times.

For each client, I have had the opportunity to witness the start of their self-discovery process. I have seen them begin to recognize their potential and the unique value they bring to the world, unlocking a power within them that they always had, but struggled to elicit. This power often looks like a renewed sense of confidence and an ability to trust their own intuition. I had one young client who hesitated to assert herself and her needs. Through cancer journey coaching, she began to advocate for herself to her care team and take charge of her own cancer management and treatment. This newfound confidence led her to make other empowering decisions in her life, like driving down a highway in a convertible—a seemingly small act, but one that was personally meaningful and liberating. Witnessing transformations like this has been my biggest accomplishment and truly feeds my soul.

Cancer changes you as a person. Some like to say that “conquering cancer” has made them stronger. I like to be mindful of the language I use. “Conquering” cancer implies a battle, a struggle that requires one to “warrior up” or otherwise fail. There’s a lot of pressure that comes with this, and it also implies that those who ultimately die from their disease, like my dad did, somehow lost. This could not be further from the truth. Where cancer is traditionally viewed as a death sentence, for me, it became a catalyst to explore something deeper about myself. It forced me to ask myself, “What can I learn from this? What am I discovering about myself? What is the meaning that I can derive here?” Beyond radiation, chemotherapy and surgery, there are deeper wounds that also need healing. This is what cancer journey coaching offered to me, and this is what I now offer for my clients.

Today, 10 years after the death of my father, I feel as though I am honouring his words, “Don’t be ashamed. Be open.” I am working towards changing the narrative of cancer. My goal, and my life’s passion, is for other women to be able to do the same—to see the challenges they face as an opportunity for growth and transformation, and to have the clarity and confidence to stand in their innate strengths.

Next: Jeanne Beker on Finding Community and Support Through Her Breast Cancer Diagnosis

Even our family members, who have never been especially keen about lentils, go crazy for this soup. Adding more carrots than I usually do ramps up the sweetness and the colour, and the tomato paste increases the umami factor. I like using red lentils because they dissolve when cooked and thicken a soup or stew without having to puree it. If you want lentils to keep their shape—for instance, in salads, side dishes, and certain soups and stews—use green lentils or the tiny black or French lentils.

Lentil Soup with Carrots and Harissa

Serves 6 to 8

Ingredients

• 2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil 1 leek, white and light green part only, cleaned and chopped (see note below)
• 1 garlic clove, finely chopped
• 4 large carrots, diced
• 1 tsp ground cumin 1 Tbsp tomato paste
• 1 to 2 tsp harissa, depending on your heat tolerance
• 1 cup red lentils, picked through for small stones and rinsed
• 5 cups water or chicken or vegetable broth + more as needed
• 1 tsp kosher salt + more to taste
• 1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper
• 2 Tbsp fresh lemon juice, optional

Suggested Toppings

• 1/2 cup plain yogurt or thick coconut milk
• Tahini sauce
• 1 tsp harissa or paprika mixed with 2 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
• 1/2 cup chopped spinach or kale 2 Tbsp chopped fresh cilantro or flat-leaf parsley
• Lemon rounds, thinly sliced

Directions

1. Heat the olive oil in a large saucepan or Dutch oven set over medium heat, then add the leeks and garlic. Cook gently for 8 to 10 minutes, or until fragrant and translucent but not browned. Add the carrots and cook gently for about 5 minutes. Add the cumin, tomato paste, and harissa, and cook for another 1 to 2 minutes. Add the lentils and stir well. Add the water or broth, 1 tsp salt, and pepper, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and cook gently for 25 to 30 minutes, or until the vegetables and lentils are tender.
2. Transfer half of the soup to a blender or food processor and puree (or use an immersion blender to partially puree right in the pot). Return the pureed mixture to the pot and stir in the lemon juice. Thin with more water or broth if necessary and re-season to taste. You’ll especially need to do this if you’ve made the soup ahead, as it will thicken more.
3. Serve the soup with any of the suggested toppings: dollops of yogurt, tahini sauce or swirls of coconut milk, drizzles of harissa oil, greens, herbs, and/or lemon rounds.

A note on cleaning leeks: Leeks often have a lot of sand between their layers. One of the many techniques Jacques Pépin shared with us when he taught at my cooking school, one that I still use today, is how to clean a leek. I think of him every time I do it. To start, cut off the darkest green leaves at the top (rinse them and save for broth). Slice the remaining leek as required by the recipe. Place in a large bowl of cold water. Swish the leeks around in the water to release the dirt. Let rest for a few minutes so that the dirt settles at the bottom of the bowl. The cleaned leeks will float to the top. Lift out the leeks, leaving the dirty water behind.

Excerpted from Don’t Worry, Just Cook by Bonnie Stern. Copyright © 2022 Bonnie Stern Cooking Schools Ltd. and Anna Rupert. Photography © 2022 Tyler Anderson with additional photos by Mark Rupert and Anna Rupert. Food styling by Olga Truchan. Published by Appetite by Random House, a division of Penguin Random House Canada Limited. Reproduced by arrangement with the Publisher. All rights reserved.

Next: This Lemon Pistachio Loaf Pairs Delightfully With an Afternoon Cup of Tea

When menopause hit, I thought I knew what to expect. I had seen my mom go through it. My aunts. My boss. My older friends. The woman I play squash with….

So when the intense hot flashes set in, I wasn’t surprised. I’d seen it before. I remember my mom desperately fumbling for the car’s air conditioning mid-fall and blasting it as if we were in a heat wave. I remember my aunt’s favourite accessory: a bottle of ice water. It’s such a common side effect—75 percent of menopausal women in North America experience hot flashes—that it’s hardly a secret.

Then there’s the brain fog. I forgot to pick up the cake for my daughter’s 16^th birthday – a party we’d been planning for months – and flashed back to the day my super-organized mom drove all the way to the cottage without her suitcase. Twice in one summer. She and her sisters would commiserate about lost keys, forgotten names and burned dinners, blaming their “cotton brain.” Indeed, as estrogen levels dip our brain activity follows different patterns, and memory faulters in up to 60 percent of us.

Other symptoms ubiquitously talked about among family, peers and media include: inability to lose weight (hormonal changes slow the metabolism and decrease muscle mass), insomnia (thanks, night sweats), moodiness (the swings from irritability to anxiety, oh my!) and more. And, yes, I had even heard about – and dreaded when it set in – the vaginal dryness (also called vaginal atrophy – yikes!).

But no one ever—not even once in my incredibly open family—mentioned that I might pee my pants. It happened out of the blue, at work, of all places. I bent down to lift a hefty box of files from under my desk and WOOSH! I peed, more than a little, and hid mortified in my cubicle for the remainder of the day.

At first, I brushed it off as an anomaly—until it happened again, this time sharing a laugh at home with my partner. OOP! I hustled to our room, and when I returned, he didn’t even notice I’d changed my pants. Soon, the WOOSHES and OOPS were happening often enough that I had cause for concern, but shame prevented me from asking anyone.

One morning, before anyone else was up, I opened my laptop and switched the browser to private mode. I struggled with what to type into the Google search bar, but eventually landed on the ugly truth: “Why am I suddenly peeing my pants?” Scrolling through the results, a fragment from a Cleveland Clinic article caught my eye: “Urinary incontinence is a loss of bladder control that’s commonly seen in older adults and women who have given birth or gone through menopause.” BINGO. I knew I was menopausal – my period was not there while all the symptoms were…I just didn’t realize incontinence counted among them.

So, I asked my mom. My aunts. My friends. And, yes, even the woman I play squash with, if they had experienced incontinence and, sure enough, most of them had experienced the same WOOSH or OOP that I had. Most stashed incontinence pads where their husbands would see. Though some felt comfortable enough to ask their female doctor about it, no one had mentioned it to anyone else. According to my mom, it was a secret not even shared among sisters.

I’m on a mission to make incontinence less secretive. Would you believe that incontinence, by far, affects more women than men? According to the Mayo Clinic, one in four women—and a whopping 75 percent of women over 65 experience regular incontinence. But the most shocking stat of all was that only 45 percent of women who experience weekly incontinence talk to their doctors about it. Most importantly, it’s not inevitable nor irreversible, and doesn’t have to be embarrassing.

In addition to the wide range of remarkably comfortable protection built exactly for the job – just check out all the options at TENA, an incontinence care brand that is on a mission to fight the stigma around this experience,  There is ample advice for living with, and talking about, incontinence. From how to talk to your doctor to exercises that strengthen your pelvic floor to advice on travel and intimacy, there is ample support online.

It’s time to start talking about it. At some point in our life, we all pee a little. Keeping it a secret makes it feel shameful – and I want my daughter to know that WHOOSHES and OOPS are a normal part of womanhood, whatever you call them.

Natural family planning, sometimes known as fertility awareness methods, is a form of birth control that relies on knowing when you’re ovulating and avoiding unprotected sex during that time. It’s also trending. On TikTok, the hashtag #naturalbirthcontrol has 34.6 million views and is filled with young people—largely people in their 20s and early 30s—explaining how they don’t use hormonal birth control and instead rely on “natural methods.”

“Basically, [natural family planning] requires a knowledge of your own menstrual cycle, and the length and timing of ovulation in that cycle,” explains Ashley Waddington, associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Queen’s University. This involves tracking your cycle, either with a good ol’ calendar, an Excel sheet, or an app (though, in regards to that last one, as abortion has been banned in some American states, reproductive health experts are concerned that the data from common apps could be used to prosecute users who seek out an abortion); examining your cervical mucus (it changes in consistency throughout your cycle, like when you ovulate); and taking your basal body temperature once a day (you’re slightly warmer once you ovulate and during your luteal phase). “It requires a pretty intensive understanding of your own body,” says Waddington. Plus, it requires you to have the luxury of time to do all this measuring and recording, as well as a willing and supporting partner since this method really takes the full cooperation of two to work.

And that’s just it—these methods can work (natural planning is about 76 to 88 percent effective), but it’s hard to get right. Take tracking your cycle, for example. Most people don’t have a perfect 28-day cycle, and that cycle also tends to shift. So even if you think you ovulate around, say, day 15, that might change from cycle to cycle.

While natural family planning isn’t perfect, it’s interesting that so many young people are turning to it. Maybe they’ve been burned by the side effects of hormonal birth control, or maybe they’ve suffered through a painful IUD insertion. Or maybe it’s just their choice and they’re comfortable with the risk of pregnancy. But it’s important to remember that it is not as effective as an IUD, the pill, the patch, or condoms—and online creators who say that it is should be scrutinized. “You have to accept that there’s going to be a higher failure risk because it’s so hard to do well,” says Waddington.

Next: The Pill Is Good. Why Isn’t It Better?

Despite rain, sleet or flurries, getting outside is good for us. How good? Check out these health benefits:

• Cooler temps can be as therapeutic as icing an injury. Researchers at the National Institute of Sport, Expertise, and Performance in Paris found that the best recovery for seasoned trail runners is cold immersion—it can help reduce inflammation, relieving pain, redness and swelling. Whole-body cryotherapy, with temperatures as low as –110 degrees Celsius, was more effective than anything else they tried.
• Winter weather can also help you with cognitive flexibility and focus: A study of 60 university students found they were better able to reply to metaphorical statements in colder conditions than warmer ones, suggesting low temps can help you brew up abstract ideas. (Warmer weather was better for artistic creativity.)
• If you have a racing mind, take a walk in the rain. Some people find listening to the steady pitter-patter of the raindrops—a form of pink noise—helps soothe anxious thoughts.

Here’s what you need to make your outdoor journey as enjoyable as possible:

A Waterproof Topper

This Canadian-designed canary-yellow poncho will add a pop of cheer to grey fall days. It’s cut from a lightweight, durable and water-repellent fabric, and is roomy while still looking chic. Plus, it has an oversize hood and large front pockets to keep your hair dry, hands warm and phone close by.

Hydra Unisex Performance Poncho, $875, nobis.com

A Warm Layer

Unpredictable fall weather calls for an outfit of layers. This fleece will keep you comfortable on a chilly morning commute or crisp evening dog walk.

Quilted Sherpa Jacket, $55, oldnavy.gapcanada.ca; Water-repellent Padded Earflap Cap, $30, hm.com; 90s Silk Slip Dress Black Lost Flowers, from USD $290, silklaundry.com; Bloom necklace, $185, vimeria.co

A Smart Fanny Pack

This eco-friendly running belt, aka fanny pack, is made from recycled plastic bottles and features a clear protective window that provides touch-screen access to your device.

Life Sports Gear Eco Sky Running Belt, $30, altitude-sports.com; Seamless Sports Top, $35, hm.com; Cargo Super-High-Rise Hiking Tight, $148, lululemon.com

All-Season Pants

Meet your new fave bottoms, designed to keep you dry and warm. The water-repellent fabric will shield you from the rain and they’re made to be layered over wool leggings to protect from cold flurries. Come warmer days, they can zip off into shorts to keep things breezy.

Convertible High-Rise Hiking Jogger, $198, lululemon.com; Double-Breasted Corduroy Blazer, USD $250, cos.com; Lyle Turtleneck, $220, elliemaestudios.com

All-Weather Running Shoes

This footwear choice will work whether you’re hiking up a mountain or marching through the city. They’re made from a soft and stretchy waterproof GORE-TEX, and they boast a grippy sole and sock-like shape to keep ankles stabilized on
gravel trails or icy days.

Terrex Free Hiker Shoe $300, adidas.com; CanadaState XL Bunny Coat, $875, mooseknuckles canada.com

Warm, Waterproof Footwear

Take on winter’s blizzards like a champ with these tall, slouchy snow boots. They’re lined with insulating fleece and feature a chunky, waterproof rubber base for navigating slushy sidewalks.

Hunter Women’s Wanderer Insulated Tall Slouch Snow Boots, $265, hunterboots.com; Ellie Mae Nelson Blazer, $890, elliemaestudios.com; Ellie Mae Novak Skirt, $380, elliemaestudios.com

A (Super) Cold-Weather Coat

Absolutely frigid days call for this super-insulated made-in-Montreal puffy coat guaranteed to keep you warm at -25°C, with ethically sourced down from Hutterite ducks. Gathered cuffs seal in the warmth and the zippers on either side make it a little easier to move around.

Kiruna Winter Jacket, $1200, kanuk.com; Knit Straight Skirt, Kangaroo Stripe, USD $460, silklaundry.com

A Practical Hat

When the snow is coming down fast and furious, you need a hat with a wide brim to keep the flakes out of your eyes. This bucket hat has been winterized by Canadian brand Moose Knuckles with fuzzy sherpa fabric to keep you warm and protected.

Cobble Bucket Hat, $150, mooseknucklescanada.com; Gia Silk Blouse, $440, elliemaestudios.com; Nova Overalls, $590, elliemaestudios.com; Flow rings, $95-115, vimeria.co 

Next: Workout Gear, Clothing and Tech That’ll Keep You Moving When It’s Cold

The last time we were in Tel Aviv, we were staying around the corner from Eats Cafeteria on Shenkin Street. Their food was very casual but also beautiful and delicious, with many vegan choices and truly wonderful gluten-free desserts, of which their lemon pistachio loaf was our favorite. Anna and I enjoyed it on far too many occasions. When we got home, we came up with this recipe, which based on our collective memory we believe is close.

Lemon Pistachio Loaf

Serves: 8 to 10

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 1 cup finely ground pistachios (see note at bottom)
• ½ cup + 2 Tbsp butter, room temperature
• 1 cup granulated sugar 3 eggs
• 1 Tbsp finely grated lemon peel
• 1 Tbsp fresh lemon juice 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1/2 tsp pure almond extract

Glaze and Topping

• 1 cup icing sugar, sifted
• 2 to 3 Tbsp fresh lemon juice
• 2 Tbsp pistachios, ground, chopped, or slivered

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F and line a 5 × 9-inch loaf pan with parchment paper.
2. In a medium mixing bowl, whisk the flour with the baking powder and salt. Stir in the ground pistachios. In another bowl, using a handheld mixer or in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the butter and granulated sugar together until light, 2 to 3 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time, beating after each addition just until combined. Add the lemon peel, lemon juice, and vanilla and almond extracts. Stir in the flour mixture just until combined.
3. Transfer the batter to the prepared pan and bake for 40 to
   50 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted into the center comes out clean or an instant-read thermometer registers between 185°F and 195°F when inserted into the center. Let the cake cool completely or partially glaze when warm as described below.
4. To glaze the cake, combine the icing sugar with 2 Tbsp lemon juice. If it’s not a drizzling consistency, add a little more lemon juice. Brush some over the warm cake when it comes out of the oven and drizzle some overtop of the loaf when it has cooled. Or drizzle when cool with as much as you like. Sprinkle with pistachios.

Note: I generally use roasted nuts for cooking because they add much more flavor than raw nuts. When I buy nuts, I usually buy more than I need, roast them, and then keep them in the freezer to have on hand.

To roast, spread nuts in a single layer on a baking sheet and place in a preheated 350°F oven on the middle rack for 15 to 20 minutes. Remove one and taste to see if it’s ready (they should be lightly browned with a deeper flavor), and watch carefully, as they can burn easily. Cool and use, or freeze. An exception to this is hazelnuts: once they’re out of the oven and cooled, rub them in a clean tea towel to remove the skins (don’t worry if some skin remains). Pine nuts and coconut chips should be roasted for only 4 to 8 minutes, or until lightly browned—watch closely as both burn easily.

We are so lucky now that many nuts (almonds and hazelnuts especially) can be bought ground (often called almond flour and hazelnut flour respectively). You can also grind the nuts yourself. If you want a roasted flavor, use roasted nuts. Be careful when grinding: If you grind too many nuts at one time, or grind them for too long, they can turn into nut butter, which is delicious but will not work as flour when baking! If you use an electric grinder, depending on its size, grind about 1/4 cup at a time. In a food processor, grind about 1 cup at a time. With either method, always pulse on/off rather than letting the motor run continuously.

Excerpted from Don’t Worry, Just Cook by Bonnie Stern. Copyright © 2022 Bonnie Stern Cooking Schools Ltd. and Anna Rupert. Photography © 2022 Tyler Anderson with additional photos by Mark Rupert and Anna Rupert. Food styling by Olga Truchan. Published by Appetite by Random House, a division of Penguin Random House Canada Limited. Reproduced by arrangement with the Publisher. All rights reserved.

Next: Learn All About Bonnie Stern’s New Cookbook, “Don’t Worry, Just Cook”

Bonnie Stern is likely a mainstay of your cookbook collection. As the author of 12 cookbooks and the founder of the Bonnie Stern School of Cooking in Toronto, where she taught people how to cook for over 35 years, Stern has become a companion and guide for many in the kitchen. During the pandemic, Stern and her daughter, Anna Rupert, worked together to create Don’t Worry, Just Cook, an accessible guide to home cooking imbued with the intimacy and nourishment of a family meal.

Here, Stern and Rupert talk about working together and how cooking and creating a cookbook helped them forge a close bond.

Best Health: Where did the idea for the book come from?

Bonnie Stern: I know that when I get together with people, I feel like crying these days because it’s just been so long. And I think getting together over a meal makes it extra special and gives it more meaning because you’re nurturing people and giving them part of yourself. You know, cooking has always been like that, whether it’s family cooking or entertaining, or bringing food to work and sharing. I think it’s about sharing.

BH: Why did you choose to work together?

Anna Rupert: I had been helping with writing and editing a monthly newsletter and occasional presentation, so we had already started working together a little bit in that capacity. One day—I don’t know when it was because I have no sense of time anymore with the pandemic—but I said, if you did want to write another book, I’d be happy to help. I don’t think either of us knew going into it that I would end up being a co-author. But the process was really wonderful, and we’ve always been close, and annoyingly, I can say that we’re even closer now. I even stayed over, sometimes for two weeks at a time, during the lockdowns.

BH: Bonnie, in the book you mention that you didn’t have the confidence to write another book until Anna suggested it to you. What did Anna bring to this project that you needed?

BS: My last cookbook was 14 years ago even and so much has changed since then with social media and with what people expect from cooking. When I had my cooking school, I would get constant feedback and know what people wanted to know, which I always try to put in the recipes. But Anna, as well as jumping into social media, also provided that kind of feedback that I didn’t have since the school closed [in 2011].

BH: What was it like working on this project during the pandemic?

AR: I think I can speak for both of us: we were so incredibly thankful and grateful that we had the book through this whole time. It was a bit of a distraction. It was a really wonderful, positive thing that we could work on together that was keeping us busy and that was nourishing. The process of putting it together and testing the recipes and eating all the recipes nourished us and I think we’re incredibly lucky that we had that through that time.

BS: It was very lonely not being with people and not being able to celebrate occasions. To have the opportunity to be able to create something that would eventually help people was very big.

BH: Aside from delicious recipes, the book is also about bonding through cooking. How has food and cooking together helped you two stay so close?

AR: We have Friday night dinner together as a family basically every week—during lockdown, mom created takeaway dinners and we’d eat them over Zoom—and my mom and I will start texting on Tuesday or Wednesday to decide what to make. Like, for example, Friday night dinner this week is for my brother’s birthday—I don’t know if you saw the popcorn ice cream cake [in the book], but we always make an ice cream cake for my brother’s birthday, so we’re going to make that this week.

BH: Bonnie, you’re the teacher, but what did Anna teach you during this process?

BS: She taught me not to worry as much as I do. That doesn’t mean don’t worry about everything, but she has a different outlook and it’s very positive. That’s a very encouraging thing for me to think of the bright side of things instead of worrying about what could go wrong. She also taught me how to write better and tell a story better. She and my son, Mark Rupert, also taught me how to use Instagram—I mean, I think I’m pretty good for an older person, but they’re just amazing at it. And, I’ve been so lucky to be able to see her as an adult and work together with her, and I’m just so proud of her and this book.

This interview has been condensed and edited.

Excerpted from Don’t Worry, Just Cook by Bonnie Stern. Copyright © 2022 Bonnie Stern Cooking Schools Ltd. and Anna Rupert. Photography © 2022 Tyler Anderson with additional photos by Mark Rupert and Anna Rupert. Food styling by Olga Truchan. Published by Appetite by Random House, a division of Penguin Random House Canada Limited. Reproduced by arrangement with the Publisher. All rights reserved.

Next: A Recipe for Bonnie Stern’s Lemon Pistachio Loaf

In a world of tight schedules and high-speed everything, it’s no wonder we find ourselves popping an occasional pain reliever.

For a bad headache, you may want to choose one that contains a combination of aspirin, acetaminophen, and caffeine. (Off-limits…if you have a bleeding disorder, asthma, ulcers, or liver or kidney damage.)

But painkillers are only part of the solution. There’s much more you can do to escape the thump and wallop of a throbbing noggin.

Try these home remedies for headaches.

(Related: 6 Effective Pressure Points for Headaches)

Give it a rub

With a firm, circular motion, massage the web of skin between the base of your thumb and your forefinger. Continue massaging for several minutes, then switch hands and repeat until the pain resolves. Acupressure experts call this fleshy area trigger point LIG4 and maintain that it is linked to areas of the brain where headaches originate.

Heat up and cool down

Believe it or not, soaking your feet in hot water will help your head feel better. By drawing blood to your feet, the hot-water footbath will ease pressure on the blood vessels in your head. For a really bad headache, add a bit of hot mustard powder to the water.

For a tension headache, place a hot compress on your forehead or the back on your neck. The heat will help relax knotted-up muscles in this area.

It might sound contradictory, but you can follow up the heat treatment (or substitute it) by applying a cold compress to your forehead. (Put a couple of ice cubes in a washcloth or use a bag of frozen vegetables.) Cold constricts blood vessels, and when they shrink, they stop pressing on sensitive nerves. Since headache pain sometimes originates in nerves in back of your neck, try moving the compress to the muscles at the base of your skull.

Here’s an alternative to a cold compress: Soak your hands in ice water for as long as you can stand it. While your hands are submerged, repeatedly open and close your fists. This works on the same principle as an ice pack on your head—the cold narrows your dilated blood vessels.

(Related: 12 Foods That Can Make Your Headaches Worse)

Try the caffeine cure

Have a cup of strong coffee. Caffeine reduces blood-vessel swelling, and thus can help relieve a headache. This is  why caffeine is an ingredient in some extra-strength painkillers like Excedrin. However, if you are already a heavy coffee drinker, skip this. Caffeine withdrawal can cause headaches, creating a vicious cycle.

Do something constrictive

Tie a bandanna, scarf, or necktie around your forehead, then tighten it just to the point where you can feel pressure all around your head. By reducing the flow of blood to your scalp, this can help relieve the pain caused by swollen blood vessels. You might try soaking the bandana in vinegar, a traditional headache remedy.

Soothe with scent

Certain essential oils, especially lavender, can help ease tension and relieve the pain of a headache. Gently massage a bit of lavender oil onto your forehead and temples, then lie back and enjoy the relaxing scent. For maximum relief, slip away to a room that’s cool, dark, and quiet. The longer you can lie there quietly breathing in the aroma, the better.

In addition to lavender oil, or instead of it, use peppermint oil. The menthol it contains can help dissolve away a headache. Its fragrance at first stimulates, then relaxes, the nerves that cause headache pain.

If you have a vaporizer, add seven drops lavender oil and three drops peppermint oil, then breathe in the relief. If you don’t, try sprinkling a few drops of peppermint oil on a tissue. Inhale deeply several times.

Try wringing out two wet peppermint tea bags and place them on your closed eyelids or forehead for five minutes.

Swallow some throb stoppers

An anti-inflammatory, ginger was traditionally used to treat headaches, and it seems to work. Grind up a half-teaspoon ginger, stir it into a glass of water, and drink this ginger juice. Or pour 1 cup hot water over 1 teaspoon freshly ground ginger, let the tea cool a bit, then drink it. Ginger is especially effective against migraines, though how it works is not well understood. Doctors do know that ginger has an effect on prostaglandins, hormone-like substances that contribute to inflammation. Ginger also helps control the nausea that so often accompanies migraines.

Try drinking a cup of rosemary tea. Some people say it helps keep a headache from getting worse. Pour 1 cup boiling water over 1 teaspoon of the dried herb, steep for 10 minutes, strain, and drink.

At least one grandmother counted on strong black tea with a few bruised whole cloves added. Tea contains caffeine, and cloves have anti-inflammatory properties, so the brew might indeed help a headache.

Down a large glass of water and see if it helps. Dehydration can cause a headache.

The power of prevention

If you grind your teeth or clench your jaw-either when you’re awake or asleep-take steps to prevent the problem. You might need to wear a mouth guard at night.

Eat at regular intervals. There’s evidence that a drop in blood sugar-the result of going too long without eating-can set the stage for headaches.

At least three days a week, spend 30 minutes walking, cycling, swimming, or doing some other form of aerobic exercise. These exercises are great stress-relievers.

Next: Am I Having a Headache or a Migraine? And More Migraine Questions, Answered

You’ve probably heard of clarifying shampoo. Maybe you’ve walked past it on store shelves for years, or maybe you’re suddenly seeing it all over TikTok. So what is it exactly?

“A clarifying shampoo is a very deep-cleansing shampoo,” says Jason Lee, a Toronto-based hairstylist and founder of hair care line Mela and Kera. Over time, gunk—think residue from hair products, chlorine from pools and minerals from the water in your shower—can build up on your strands. “Clarifying shampoos help pull residue out of your hair,” says Lee. The result? Hair that is cleaner, softer, shinier and even has more body.

In other words, washing your hair with a clarifying shampoo is like hitting the reset button on your mane, says Lee. Once the gunk is gone, it’ll be closer to its natural texture and appearance.

We spoke to Lee to find out more about clarifying shampoo and who should consider using it.

(Related: Do Shampoo Bars Work?)

How do you know if you need clarifying shampoo?

There are a few tell-tale signs that your hair is in need of it.

“You’ll notice that your hair is a little bit sticky,” says Lee. “Or you might notice that your ends are really slippery when they’re wet, but hard to comb out.” The stickiness is from stubborn hair products staying in your hair, even after shampooing.

“You might also notice that your hair colour is a little different,” he says. “For example, you’re blonde and your colour is now darker or almost dirty-looking.” A clarifying shampoo can help it feel soft and smooth again and may even get its brightness back. But, Lee says, if you notice the tone of your blonde is more yellow or brassy, you’ll need a purple shampoo to restore its colour.

Should clarifying shampoo replace your everyday shampoo?

Clarifying shampoo is more of a treatment than an everyday product, so Lee says you should use it just once or twice a week. “Use it until you feel you’re happy with the results, and then immediately cut back to your regular shampoo,” he says. Then, you can use it just once a month or so to prevent build-up in the first place.

Can you overuse it?

While clarifying shampoo has many benefits, it can strip your hair of its natural oils and make it dry, and it can strip dyed hair of its colour or change its hue.

Lee recommends only using clarifying shampoo if you notice those signs of build-up (to review: stickiness, slipperiness, darker blonde hue, if you’re fair-haired), and as a monthly treatment to help prevent it.

How do you use it?

It’s used just like a normal shampoo. Wet your hair, apply the product, lather it up, scrub it in and rinse it out. And don’t forget to use conditioner (whichever one you’re currently using) afterward, to keep hair moisturized.

Is there anyone who shouldn’t use it?

Lee says people with dry or fine hair and those with naturally coily hair shouldn’t use clarifying shampoo often, as those hair types tend to be drier and more fragile. “I would use it once a week at most and stop as soon as you reach your desired results.” Have medium to thick hair? You can use clarifying shampoo until you don’t have that sticky feeling anymore, he says.

But people with dandruff, seborrheic dermatitis, psoriasis or eczema should be more careful. Clarifying shampoo can exacerbate those conditions, since it can dry out your scalp, so Lee recommends seeing a doctor for recommendations on detoxing shampoos instead.

Next: What’s a Scalp Serum and Do I Need One?

It takes two to tango, so why aren’t there more contraceptive options for men beyond condoms and vasectomies? According to Brian Nguyen, assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Southern California, it’s structural challenges (not biological ones) that have made developing a male birth control pill difficult.

“We know which compounds can bring men’s sperm count down to zero and we know how to reverse it and its safety profile and side effects,” explains Nguyen, who is part of a team working on the development of NES/T, a male contraceptive that’s currently in the second phase of clinical trials. “What’s stopping us is the lack of funding, time, and investment.”

Namely, Nguyen points to perpetuated societal narratives around who contraceptives are for as a major barrier research and development. Generally, society views birth control as the responsibility of the birthing partner—if you don’t want to have a baby, the partner who gets pregnant should be the one who takes care of contraceptives. But why should only one partner shoulder the burden? “It’s problematic when we continue to cast negative narratives about not being able to trust men with contraceptives,” says Nguyen. “In healthy relationships, the decision making and planning is shared.”

NES/T, the contraceptive Nguyen is working on, is a gel that’s applied on the shoulders daily. Funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development in the U.S., NES/T is a combination of Nestorone (which is a proprietary progesterone) and testosterone that, when applied, “results in a drop in sperm to levels that are incompatible with getting someone pregnant,” explains Nguyen. There are some side mild side effects, namely acne, changes in libido, weight changes, and mood changes, but participants in clinical trials are tolerating these side effects, and the motivations for using NES/T outweigh the cons, Nguyen says. Unfortunately, there’s no timeline yet for when NES/T will be available on the market—Nguyen says that, at current funding levels, the projection is about 10 years—but an infusion of funding and human capital could speed things up, just like how the COVID vaccine was prioritized.

There’s also a birth control pill for men currently being tested. Dimethandronlone undecanoate (DMAU) works by suppressing hormones to decrease the production of testosterone and sperm without causing the negative effects of low testosterone (namely a diminished libido, erectile dysfunction, depression, fatigue, and loss of muscular strength). There’s also YCT529, a non-hormonal pill that reduces sperm counts by targeting a form of vitamin A that plays an important role in sperm formation. “These options are very promising but much earlier in terms of their progress down the concept development pipeline,” explains Nguyen.

Then there are the less…serious options being talked about. In 2021, a “testicle bath” won Germany’s coveted Dyson award for design. Coso, the conceptual ball jacuzzi in question, uses ultrasound and heat to temporarily halt sperm mobility, making it more difficult for it to fertilize an egg. Though, it should be noted that Coso was developed for a design challenge—not as a medical product or trial. “I love that it’s done a lot of press, because it shows that there’s a huge interest in male contraception—particularly non-invasive methods,” says Nguyen.

Despite the innovations that have been made in the field, it’s unlikely that an effective male contraceptive will be available any time soon. “The number of researchers who do this work—like, the number of high-level researchers—is less than what I can count on two hands,” he says. “So, how can we bring in more researchers? It’s by ensuring that there’s funding and making sure scientists are interested and trained.”

Next: The Pill Is Good. Why Isn’t It Better?